A Will Strong Enough To Conquer All
by KeepSaying
Summary: An insight on how Tasha might have become the fierce powerful woman we love today. One- Shot. Set before the series.


**A/N** : So, I'm currently trying out new characters of this wonderful show and this kind of took a life of it's own. Enjoy some Tasha love.

 _„_ _I used to be like you. Young, angry – I felt alone." – Natasha Zapata_

"Natasha!"

The brunette little girl sat up straight right away upon hearing her mother's voice and put an innocent look on her face.

"Have you seen the cellotape?" she asked and walked through the door looking for her daughter only to find her sitting on the floor having piled all the pencils she could find in the house around her and ineffectively hiding the cellotape in her small hands. The look Tasha gave her mum was of so much innocence she started to laugh causing the girl to frown up at her in confusion.

"What's so funny, mamá?" she wanted to know, looking at the chaos she had created and preparing for some kind of trouble. After all she did make quite a mess with sharpening all the pencils and accidentally throwing the powder on the floor as well as on the things she actually wanted to put it on.

"Nothing, chiquita" her mother replied kissing her on the head and looking at the floor "What have you been up to here?"

Proudly Tasha turned towards her work excited to tell someone about her newest project and let go of the cellotape letting it fall to the floor but not really noticing it. She grabbed a piece of paper that had lots of pencil powder on it and some stripes of tape.

"See mamá! I took papás fingerprints!" She pointed to a slightly less smeared spot on her paper. "They were talking about it on TV and Paul told me that every person has their own fingerprint that cannot be confused with anyone else. The police uses it _all the time_ to find out who did something bad. He also told me if I ever robbed a bank I should put on gloves so they won't find me."

When her mother started opening her mouth to interrupt her she simply put up her hand. "I'm not gonna rob a bank" she said with a deep frown "I'm a good girl and good girls don't do that" she added with the kind of sincerity only kids can muster up before continuing her explanation.

"And then the boy in my school who sits next to María told me that his dad who's a policemen showed him how to make them visible. See you only have to find something that someone touched" she held up a cup that she obviously took from her father's desk which already seemed pretty black "and put some pencil powder on it" she proudly showed her a fluffy black feather she had stashed away under her pencils and moved it a little over the powder she had produced on a plate and then moved it very slowly and deliberately over one of the few clean spots of the cup "And if you're lucky you can find a place where it looks really weird and the powder just stays on it."

After several minutes of hard work she gleefully glanced up at her mum "Look! I found something!"

Carefully she turned to the cup to show her mother what she has discovered "That is his fingerprint!" Turning it back to herself to eye it critically one last time she put the cup back down on the floor and picked up the tape again "But if we want to keep it we have to put a little of the tape on it" she did as she said with her tongue tucked between her teeth in concentration. "And now we can pull it off and put it on the paper."

Happy with having found a paper that was still clean she put the tape on it and regarded it seriously for a few seconds "I think that is the best one yet! Now I'll always have a piece of papá with me!"

Her mother smiled down at her and ruffled her hair as she set to write down "PAPA" in scrawly letters next to the fingerprint she had so carefully discovered. "That's great, chiquita. Can I have the tape back now?"

"Sure" Tasha nodded absentmindedly.

"And don't forget to clean up after you're done. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour."

* * *

"Tash! Are you upstairs?"

Sighing Natasha put down the worn paper with her father's fingerprint and ran her fingers through her hair in a makeshift comb. Thinking back to a time almost 10 years ago when she had still been oblivious to anything going on around her that didn't fit her view of a perfect family is all she still did when looking at the print. It hurt her. And it made her angry.

She had so much anger in her at times.

She was angry at her dad for leaving them on their own. For leaving _her,_ when he had always told her that she was his little princess. She scoffed inwardly, yeah, his little princess that he left as soon as he found a new woman to fuck. But he didn't just leave _her_ , he left her whole family, her littlest brother - being two years younger than she was - barely remembering his dad at all. Which was probably for the best anyway.

She was angry at her mother, too. Even though she was still living in the same house as them she might as well have been gone, too. In fact it might even be easier with her gone completely because then they wouldn't have to keep cleaning up her messes.

Lost in her thoughts she had almost forgotten about Paul – her oldest brother who had just called from downstairs – until he came dashed through her door eyeing her with worry for a second before he settled on shooting her an accusing look "Why didn't you answer?"

"Sorry" she gave back flippantly in a way that only 15 years old teenage girls can "I didn't know it is my duty to always respond the second I hear your lovely voice calling for me. Maybe I was in the middle of something ever thought about that? It's not like I still have homework to do or anything.." she trailed off trying to keep her anger in check, it wasn't Paul's fault after all.

Her brother looked at her desk raising an eyebrow at her closed school books but didn't mention it. "No it is not your duty" he replied calmly "But it would be nice if you'd answer when I call just so I know you're there. And also because I wanted to ask you if you've seen the piggybank. The one for household, grocery shopping and stuff. I left it in my room and I thought I'd locked it when I left for work this morning but I can't seem to find it. I was hoping.."

"Don't worry, I didn't take it."

"I wasn't worried you took it, I was actually hoping you did. Because I also can't find neither Alex nor our mother."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Have you seen either of them today?"

She thought back to her morning. She had overslept again after haven gone to bed way too late and was in the middle of making herself presentable for school when she had heard a loud crash just outside her room and a lot of swearing.

"I heard her come home this morning. Must have been around half past 6 or something. I didn't go out to check on her though. I could practically reek her through my door. But I'm pretty sure she came in alone" _For a change_. She added silently then continued speaking to her brother "But Alex' door was still closed." Which wasn't unusual, he rarely made it to the first two hours of class if he went to school at all. At first she had tried to be a good sister and forced him to get up with her but at some point she had simply lost the energy to motivate him additionally to having to motivate herself.

Paul pulled her out of her thoughts again being the good big brother he was and already in the middle of making a plan of action. "We have to find Alex first. He's never run off before and he didn't seem in the best state of mind recently.." He didn't say that neither of the siblings had been in a state of mind that could be considered even remotely good in quite some time but she knew that that was the reason he was always so worried about her as well.

She gave him a forced smile – and felt his gratitude at the small gesture – as she got up to get her jacket. "I'm gonna check his favorite places around the neighborhood, check with a few of his friends" she said throwing her hair back "I don't care what happens to her. I will not help you find her."

He nodded slowly "Thank you, Tash. I'll see if I can reach a teacher, find out if he's been to school at all" in an afterthought – more to himself than to her really – he added "She'll come back on her own. For some reason she always seems to come back."

* * *

"I found him" she said quietly pressing the receiver of the payphone close to her ear and shivering at the cold contact "She's right in front of this abandoned diner. I'm gonna try to talk to him and we'll be home soon. You can stop looking."

Putting the phone back on the station she pulled her jacket closer to her body. It was freezing. They had been looking for Alex for about 3 hours now and by now it was already dark and without the sun on this early spring night it was still pretty cold. Hugging herself tightly she walked over to her younger brother quietly. If he noticed her presence he didn't let it show, he just sat on the step in front of the building staring straight ahead – probably not looking at anything at all – clutching a brown paper back to his chest. His lips were trembling and were already turning a shade of violet that didn't look healthy.

Tasha sat down next to him on the cold ground, not touching him, joining him in staring at nothing and everything all at once, not saying a word. She knew her brother and she knew that he wouldn't talk to her unless he wanted to. They were pretty similar in that way.

After several minutes, she had lost her feeling of time, he moved his head to look at her for the first time and she could see his eyes being full of unshed tears. In a swift motion she opened her arms and pulled him into a hug, stroking his back soothingly as he began shaking against her. They stayed that way for another few minutes until he seemed to grow quieter again. Pulling back from her embrace a little, but not completely, he began to speak with a hoarse voice.

"She came into my room this afternoon" If she had been sitting only a feet further away from him than she currently was, she probably wouldn't have heard him. "And she said. She said I should get her the money she knows we've been keeping. I told her I didn't know where it was and even if I did that I wouldn't give it to her. She said she didn't believe me and that I shouldn't lie to her that she's my mother and it's disrespectful to lie to your mother." He looked her in the eyes now and shook his head "She's not my mother" he whispered "I don't want her to be my mother."

"Shh" She began stroking his back again leaning her head against his "It's okay arbolito" using a pet name he hadn't allowed her to use in years she tried to calm him down "I know she's not. Paul and I are your family. We love you." He didn't reply to that but he felt the tension leave him a little.

After a pause he began talking again "She told me to find the 'fucking money' and to get her something to drink. And not a bottle of water. She actually laughed at that. I think she's crazy" he added "I told her that I wouldn't do that. That she can earn her own money to buy alcohol. And that I'm too young to even get any. But she didn't care. She told me that if I didn't do it that she would kill herself. That.. that.. I owed it to her to help her and save her… what son would I be if I let her just die.." Alex' voice died at the last words before he whispered "I wanted her to die. I just wanted it all to be over for us to have finally some peace" he sobbed against her shoulder "And then she took out a pair of scissors from my drawer and put them to her wrist and I didn't say anything I just stood there as she pressed down on it… She started bleeding. And. And then I grabbed the scissors from her hand and she slapped me and I fell. She stood there just looking at me. And her eyes.. They were so empty. She said 'Get me a drink. Or it'll be your fault' and then she left."

Alex got away from her then and clenched his fist "She fucking left me there laying on the floor after she slapped me and ordered me to get a drink or she'll kill herself. And that it'd be my fault. What kind of person does that?!" he wanted to know. He was screaming at her now, tears still streaming down his face.

"I HATE HER" he screamed into the night at the top of his lungs throwing the paper back he was holding on the floor. Tasha heard the bottle of vodka falling out of the back and narrowed her eyes at him.

"How did you get that?" she demanded to know pointing to the bottle on the ground. Both of them were standing now, just a few feet apart and glaring at each other. When he didn't answer her she repeated the question more forcefully this time "How. Did. You. Get. That."

"I stole it okay!" he gave back angry "First I stole the money from Paul's room to buy her something to drink. I don't want her to kill herself because of me! And then when the owner didn't let me buy it.. he told me he'd call my parents" He laughed at that. A dark hollow laugh, too dark for someone who'd only just turned 13 years. "And I ran and I went to the next shop and I just stole it!"

He kicked the bottle and it hit the step they had just been sitting on. "But when I had it I couldn't go home. I couldn't give this… this _poison_ to her. And I just kept running because I didn't know what to do" he cried out "When I stopped here I thought maybe if I just drank it maybe I could understand her better… or maybe I would just stop feeling all these feelings. Feeling like shit all the time. I thought that maybe…"

"No" she interrupted her brother harshly "You didn't think at all. You didn't think about the fact that we'd be worried about you. You didn't think about what it would do to us to find you _drunk_ on a dark corner" She gripped his arm tightly and forced him to look into her eyes, "All we have in this world is each other. The three of us we have to stand together to have a chance of surviving and you can't… you can't just leave us." She felt the tears burn in her eyes and when she closed them for a second she felt the hot trail of tears on her cheeks "If you'd leave us… It would destroy us. You are our family. We are each other's family and you dumbass can't just take that away from me. I don't have anything else" she whispered.

She pulled him into her arms again crushing him on her chest willing him to understand her to hug her back and stay with her.

After some time he nodded slowly and his arms found their way around her waist and he did just that and they hugged each other. They were still standing in their embrace when they heard Paul calling their names, running towards them, checking them over and simply pulling both his younger siblings in his arms.

"We will make it out of here" he promised them quietly but firmly. "We will have a better life."

* * *

„Welcome to the 96th Precinct of the New York Police Department, Officer Natasha Zapata" the man greeted her "I'm Officer Andy and you're the luckiest girl of the week because you" he pointed his index finger at her "We'll be my partner for the first six months of your time here. I'll show you the ropes, you'll show me what you've got and then we'll decide where to put you after that. Whattaya say?"

 _Great, what had she signed up for?!_ She couldn't believe that after years of working hard to make it into the NYPD she would be paired up with someone this… cheery… She felt exhausted already by his attitude and simply glared at him trying to force a smile on her face for appearance only.

In her last two years of school she had realized that what she really wanted to do with her life was helping other people and take some bad guys off the streets. Maybe watching _way too many_ crime movies had played a part in that as well but for whatever reason she couldn't seem to get the thought out of her head again. When she first told Alex and Paul about it she had believed they would simply laugh at her but they had been over the moon. Maybe a little too exciting but they had started supporting her with whatever she had wanted to do to get up her chances to be taken into the NYPD someday.

She had started in a very small local police station in their hometown just about 2 hours from New York but on her first year already she felt bored and for fun, it had been a hoax really, she had sent her application to the New York Office and had gotten a positive reply. She only had to pass some of their tests, shooting, fitness, psychological tests and so many more she couldn't even remember. But she had worked her ass off preparing for those tests and when the day came she passed them all with flying colors getting the chance to having a say into where she wanted to be sent to. And here she was. With Agent Andy. Who apparently was still talking.

"Natasha. That's kinda long. May I just call you Tasha?" he asked.

"No, you may not" she bit back but tried to swallow her pride a little by calmly explaining it to him "Only my brother's get to call me that."

"Okay" he nodded earnestly and just went on rambling about everything she had to know and where she would get her uniform. He didn't try to call her Tasha again after that and she was thankful for that. He did however try out every single other nickname there was in the books on the name _Natasha_. Which she wasn't _quite_ as thankful for.

"What about Sasha?" he had asked her after they had spent the first week and a half together. She had simply glared at him. "What? Do I look like a boy now?" she had wanted to know with raised eyebrows and he had simply started laughing.

Being with the NYPD gave her a sense of belonging and being with Andy gave her a sense of friendship and closeness she had only ever known from her brothers until now. She could finally put all her anger in doing good things, saving bad guys and keeping the people in New York save.

* * *

"I am very sorry Officer Zapata, but there was nothing we could do for him. You did the right thing but he couldn't be saved."

The doctor's words broke something in her that up until 5 years ago hadn't even existed and they were close to breaking here if she had let them. But she didn't. She wouldn't ever let anyone break her.

The only way to cope was to go back to be angry. Angry at Andy for leaving her. Angry at that poor excuse of a man for shooting him. Angry at his wife for holding on to her so strongly that she couldn't get to help her partner. Angry at the world who seemed to just go on with its life. Angry at whatever god there might be for allowing things like that to happen to good people like Andy.

She couldn't stand being at the Department after that night. She couldn't stand putting on her uniform and go about her day as usual with another partner as if nothing had happened, as If they hadn't just taken her best friend from her. She hated everyone who looked at her in pity and came to give their condolences. She hated everyone. Period.

She couldn't bare to talk to even her brothers about this, never calling them back and when they showed up one day on her door step never letting them in. Instead she closed her door on them, leaned against it from the inside and started to weep. Again.

She hated crying but she kept doing it an awful lot lately and she hated herself for that even more. She handed in her resignation effective immediately after the funeral ceremony. She went there and mourned him one last time before clearing her thoughts of him and seeking comfort in other things. She started gambling, feeling in control of the game for most of the night and if she didn't she would just drink another Scotch to feel in control again.

She couldn't feel, or maybe didn't want to see, how she was slowly losing all that control that she was so desperate to regain and if it hadn't been for that letter she found in her mailbox about two months after she quit the NYPD she probably would've never gotten herself back up.

* * *

"You had no freaking right to do that!" she practically screamed in her phone pacing up and down in her apartment "No. _You_ listen to _me_. It is literally a crime to fucking forge my signature under an application that I never even saw."

Alex rolled his eyes from the other end of the line, "Tash. I knew you might hate me for it when I wrote that thing but I still did. You know why?" He heard her huff at the other end of the line, something that sounded vaguely like "I'd never hate you, dumbass." And continued "Because all my life you have been taking care of me. You and Paul both have done everything for me even if I didn't want you doing it and now it's my turn. I wanted to take care of you for once. And I know you're going to be the best damn Special Agent the FBI ever saw."

"If they even take me" she mumbled into the phone suddenly feeling the fight drain out of her. "What if I'm just not good enough for them? I haven't trained in two months… and let's just say my life style hasn't been the healthiest since."

"I know" he agreed and grinned at her cursing him over the phone "But you were always a pretty kickass police officer and I'm about 110% sure that you're going to be kicking ass there too."

"That doesn't even make sense" she retorted but could feel a small smile, the first one in two months, spread on her lips. "But I'll try. For you."

* * *

She couldn't believe her eyes when she went to the mailbox some four weeks later – the FBI aptitude test only dating back one week – when she found a very official looking letter with the words _FBI_ stamped in front of it.

She called Alex right away, too afraid to open the letter on her own, and dropping it four times before she was able to actually do it. She went quiet, reading the first few lines…

 _Dear Mrs. Zapata,_

 _we are happy to inform you that you passed all the required tests and are now officially part of the New York Office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation._

She didn't read further but retreated back to the beginning and right the sentence again. And again and again and again.

"Tasha?" called Alex from her phone which was left on her couch but put on speaker phone so she could hear. "Tash. I'm getting kinda worried over here" he tried again and this time got through to her.

"ALEX I'M IN" she practically screamed into the phone taking it in her hand again and her heart beating right out of her chest. "They took me. I got into the FBI!"

Her first day at the NYO of the FBI was far more pleasant than her first day at the NYPD. First of all she didn't have to wear any uniform. Secondly, no one tried to come up to her with some cheery attitude – she gulped at the thought of Andy but quickly banned that thought to the back of her head.

When she saw the Assistant Director for the first time she was taken aback. For some reason she hadn't thought that it would be a women being in charge of this office but it made her love her new working place even more. Bethany Mayfair introduced herself and then the newbies to her team. Tasha looked at them as Mayfair said their names.

Kurt Weller. Some earnest looking guy with a stubble and blue eyes that seemed to bare her every thoughts to him…

Patterson, a pretty young – and pretty in general – looking women who for some reason didn't seem to want her first name getting out. She was wearing a lab coat and smiled at all of them encouragingly.

And there was Edgar Reade. He too was serious looking in the tux he was wearing but his warm brown eyes were telling a different story and she instantly liked him.

When they all left to be lead through the entire building for the first time he accidentally bummed into her and she took a step back on the verge of glaring at whoever just hit her but find herself looking in his friendly eyes.

"Oh. I'm really sorry. Tasha, was it?"

And for some reason she simply nodded and smiled a little. She knew now what her goal was. She wanted to work with them. Wanted to be part of the team under direct order of Bethany Mayfair. She wanted to work with these great agents and she wanted to be one of them. She didn't want to be angry anymore.

 **A/N** : So obviously I don't really have any idea about Tasha's life before the FBI. I just took some of the things we got to know on the show about her and tried to do something with it. And it will stay a One- Shot just like my first fic :) Also, please tell me, does the editing style work for you?


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